Bonjour Jason,
It gets lonely here on mantel with
zee other bottles. Bourbons are enough friendly, but I find
zose guys from Islay and other Scottish Isles to be real snobs.
Zey are cold and distant like
zeir geography. Thinks
zeir malted barley don't ahh how you say? Stink? Of course it does stink of peat bogs, decay and bad manners.
I understand that you're proud of daughter's graduation of high school, but placing framed photo to front of me makes my view of
zee TV impossible.
Speaking of télévision, I see that you Canadians are
az uncultured
az your mouth breathing brethren to south. Between reruns of
Trailer Park Boys, PokerStars and
2 Broke Girls, I am convinced that you are culturally deprived or should I
zay depraved? No doubt both apply where you are concerned. Nevertheless, I have edifying antidote. Turn to channel 423 "Classic French Cinema" you silly little, unimportant man. Watch
Bob Le Flambeur (1956) three times followed by all of
Jean Pierre Melville's other films and
zen I will resume speaking to you.
Your wife
iz French.
She
iz . . . how you
zay . . . your only
qualidee redeeming.
I like her.
Mais, when she lights candles here on mantel, it gets rather warm and G-d forbid she gets ignites
fireplace. Blameless she is, as she not put me here to show off. You did, you
stupide, petit bourgeoisie cochon. I belong in honor place, top shelf of your cabinet of
liquorz, at right hand of G-d: Remy Martin XO!
I like Jewish people much.
You know why? Because
zey do not celebrate Christmas. So, here
iz a note to your-stupide-self: do not string holiday garland around me or suspend from my neck a North Pole Elf who chokes me! Elf on
zee Shelf belongs on Shelf! Fool! By way, don't even think of converting.
Zee Jews would never have you.
Your elderly Chinese neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Chen, I very much like. Have you notice
zey always ask about me? This because
zey know good character! I can tell. Mrs. Chen can't take her eyes off me, unless Highness-on-High, XO, makes an appearance.
Rémy Martin VSOP
Category
Cognac
Closure
Cork
ABV
40%
Nose (undiluted)
Complex orange blossom, very ripe Moroccan tangerines, very floral notes of violets, roses, vanilla and mulled wine.
Palate (undiluted)
Oranges, tangerines, spiced rose water, Australian red licorice, cardamon, dry apricot. Rum cake.
Finish (undiluted)
Dry oak, vanilla and bittersweet dark chocolate, pencil lead.
. . .
Contrary to opinions of bourgeoisie (all other whiskies on
zis shelf), I am superior spirit, distilled from noble, acidic white grapes rather than coarse and stillborn barley, and other lesser grains that belong in a morning cereal or seven grain bread, you silly little Anglo-jambon of a man
whiz your bad teeth, inferior cuisine and unfashionable
vêtements.
Au revoir,
Monsieur Rémy Martin
