Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Review: Monkey Shoulder Blended Malt Scotch Whisky
Debly: Moving away from ISIS and Sarah Palin's remarkable figure, I was wondering if you could tell us what you think of Monkey Shoulder?
Trump: I don't drink alcohol.
Debly: I sent you a sample with my tasting notes. One of your aides said you tasted it, as it is from Scotland, "the land of his ancestors and the home of golf" as she aptly put it.
Trump: Yeah, yeah, I took a sip. Even though, I don't drink alcohol.
Debly: Think of your opinion on this blended malt as a statement of your foreign policy on Scotland.
Trump: I do love Scotland and I built a tremendous golf course there. Absolutely tremendous! It's a huge success! . . . . Okay kid, read me your tasting notes, refresh my memory.
Citrus, oak, apples and a distinct but faint alcoholic note.
Smooth apples, caramel, honey and grapefruit.
Malty, mild pepper, lemon seed, a little rubbing alcohol chased by some slight smoke.
. . .
Debly: Cheap price in the US. Around $29. Good value for money, but not north of the border in Canada. At $59, grab a cheap single malt instead. It may be a blended malt at 43% ABV, but not much complexity. Actually, no complexity, much like your platform.
Trump: Whoa? Not much complexity? Excuse me! I am very rich! I built a tremendous company! I create jobs. I will be the greatest jobs president God ever created! We need to make America great again. We don't have victories anymore because our leaders are fools outfoxed by China, Japan and Mexico, but I will change all that. How is that for complexity? AND! I will win the Black vote and the Hispanic vote!
Debly: Yes, but what about the Monkey Shoulder fan-base vote?
Photo Credits: Photo of Donald Trump by Mark Wilson/Getty Images. Mark Wilson's photograph is used purely for the purposes of education, entertainment and humor. All copyright and moral rights are the property of Mark Wilson/Getty. Photo of Monkey Shoulder bottle by Jason Debly.