Lauder's Scotch is one of those blended scotch brands that has always been there, invariably on the bottom shelf of the local liquor store. You've seen it all your life, since you turned legal drinking age. You always passed over it. I mean, who can blame you? This spirit comes in 1.5 litre bottles for a little under $20. Can't be good? I hear you say. I understand where you are coming from. I have the same thoughts about Lauder's.
I just got back from the annual family vacation to North Conway, New Hampshire. After a full day of ferrying the kids to various rides and attractions at Story Land and Santa's Village, followed by marathon play sessions in the hotel pool, they konk out in their little beds. Their mother turns in soon after, but not I. Your eternal night owl, whisky blogger and ne'er do-well, haunts the aisles of liquor emporiums. My gaze settled on Lauder's. Cheap price, never heard anything about it, could it be good? Another great value play like Teacher's or Black Bottle? I just had to find out.
Nose (undiluted)
Dragon's breath fiery, nose crinkling waft of alcohol that evokes memories of a moonshine still written about by Steve Earle in his song: Copperhead Road.
Ok, so the nose on this blend is not pretty. My judgment is still being suspended because at this price point, there are lots of blends that do not offer much on the nose, but deliver on the palate. So, here goes . . .
Palate (undiluted)
You must know the old adage: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words? Take a long look at the picture above. Drinking Lauder's is to experience the super sweet taste of Rice Crispies with a heaping table spoon of sugar. That captures the cereal flavor and the sweetness, but I am detecting more. There is some Dow Chemical action going on. So, stir in some Splenda and instead of milk, add a can of Sprite or 7-Up and that would be a fairly good representation of the Lauder's flavor profile: sickeningly sweet and absolutely dreadful.
Finish (undiluted)
Extremely short like a haiku. In fact, I feel inspired to compose a haiku in honor of tasting Lauder's. (Please read in halting English with thick Japanese accent for full dramatic affect)
Halloween candy sweetness
T'is wery wery bad
tooth decay
me want to die now
Lauder's is as bad as my haiku.
General Impressions
Seriously bad sweet syrup junk scotch that I think is not even good enough for mixed drinks.
Ever read the Surgeon General's warning on the back of a bottle and wonder if it applies to you? You know, Don't drink if you are pregnant, have a medical condition, like astrology, I dunno whatever? The Surgeon General's warning needs to be updated to read: "Don't drink if this is Lauder's! Immediately drain contents at an approved landfill site capable of handling hazardous substances."
Enough said.
Sincerely,
Jason Debly
Photo credits: The photo of the Lauder's scotch on its side was taken by Paata Liparteliani and may be seen here. All rights of reproduction belongs to Paata Liparteliani.
The photo of the faded Lauder's scotch ad painted on a wall in Detroit belongs to Anthony Lockhart and may be seen here. All rights of reproduction belongs to Anthony Lockhart.
